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There
is an unfortunate polarisation of views about what to do in
cases of bullying in schools. Many people believe that the
situation needs to be tackled by punishing those who have
been bullying. Belinda Hopkins
believes that punitive responses can be either ineffective
or downright dangerous, breeding resentment and making matters
worse.
Why
not punish?
Punishment
makes a person resentful, not reflective, and so people who
bully are not made accountable, in the true sense of the word
- they do not have to face up to the reality of just how many
people have been affected, directly and indirectly, by their
unacceptable behaviour. They are not given the chance to hear,
first hand, about the pain, hurt, distress and anger they
have caused.
Teachers
wonder why victimised young people are frightened to report
bullying - it is because the perpetrators and their friends
make life very unpleasant for these 'tell-tales' - either
immediately or later. Punishment does nothing to restore any
of these relationships, and indeed makes them worse, so no
wonder there is retaliation.
Punitive
responses do not help to answer any questions. All those affected,
including the families of all involved, want to know - 'Why
me?' or 'Why my child?' ' Will it stop?' 'What can we do to
help?' And possibly even - 'Where did I go wrong?'
We have
a duty of care towards all young people - to understand what
is behind the bullying and to help young people who bully
to learn more pro-social behaviours.
Punishment
repeats the cycle of power and domination that breeds a bullying
mentality. 'You made that person suffer so now we will make
you suffer. It's OK for us to do it to you, but it's not OK
for you to do it to someone else.' It does not offer an alternative
way of doing things which can educate young people in a more
effective parenting style in the future.
The
restorative alternative
There
is widespread evidence, including a Home Office sponsored
evaluation, that a restorative approach can address all of
the issues raised above. The Home Office National Practice
Guidelines for Restorative Justice ensure that a full risk
assessment is made, with careful preparation, so that those
victimised and their family, the wrongdoer and their family,
and school representation, are only brought together if it
is safe and everyone is willing.
What
actually happens?
An experienced
facilitator will take time to meet with everyone affected,
individually, and ask each person a similar set of questions
- what has been happening? What have been their thoughts and
feelings at various stages of the situation? Who has been
affected by the bullying, what do they need to move on from
this and, to those for whom the question is appropriate, what
could they do to put matters right?
These
questions give those who are accused of bullying a chance
to put their side across. Some people feel coerced to be involved
in order to avoid being targeted themselves. Some assert that
the so-called 'victim' in fact contributed to the situation
in the first place. Even in cases where full culpability is
acknowledged this type of conversation allows the wrongdoer
to start to reflect on what they have done in a non-judgemental
atmosphere, and they are more likely to open up in such an
environment and less likely to display one of the common 'shame
avoidance' behaviours - denial, self-harm or attack and blame
others. They are also more likely to agree to take the next
step - meeting those they have harmed - because although their
behaviour has not been condoned they, as people, have been
treated with respect.
 Importantly
this one-to-one preparation provides a unique opportunity
for members of the family to be heard and to express their
distress, their fear, their anger and helplessness. It also
allows members of the school community to share their own
feelings and needs in the situation.
Following
full preparation with individuals, during which time the facilitator
gauges the willingness of all to take the next step, a meeting
is convened and all affected come together, sitting in a circle,
according to a carefully thought-out seating plan to maximise
safety and confidence in the process. The facilitator follows
a structured format that initially involves giving everyone
present a chance yet again, to talk about the same issues
raised in their private meetings. This process is a very difficult
one for wrongdoers to sit through, and also useful where responsibility
has been disputed as issues get clarified.
The facilitator
then gives everyone the opportunity to discuss ways forward
and ensures that those who have caused harm are encouraged
to come up with proposals themselves to put matters right
- an important step that helps people move on from shame and
remorse to a place of new beginnings. The meeting usually
ends with a contract being agreed and signed by everyone,
a date for review agreed, and everyone being invited to share
refreshments.
At no
stage has the facilitator taken sides, expressed disapproval,
given advice or even offered sympathy. They remain impartial
but empathetic, assertive yet respectful.
A restorative
response is a 'full accountability - damage repair' response
- which punishment can never be. We must develop strategies
for preventing bullying in the first place and respond promptly
and consistently if it happens, but we must remember that
punishment can be dangerous and ineffective, and could well
be reinforcing the very values and behaviours we seek to discourage
and denounce.
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